BE HAPPY OR DIE TRYING

Are you the happiest version of you you can be? Are negative thoughts and feelings keeping you from this? What if I were to tell you the only thing keeping you from living your true bliss is you! In this episode D.S. Moss gives you the secret of how the practice of Memento Mori will help you achieve happiness beyond your wildest dreams. The happiness you can feel with every single breath you take. The happiness, my friends, that you deserve. Guests include Ryan Holiday, author of The Obstacle is the Way, and Oliver Burkeman author of The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking.   

RYAN HOLIDAY

Ryan Holiday is the bestselling author of Trust Me, I’m Lying; The Obstacle Is the Way; Ego Is the Enemy; Conspiracy and other books about marketing, culture, and the human condition. His work has been translated into over 30 languages and has appeared everywhere from the New York Times to Fast Company. His company, Brass Check, has advised companies such as Google, TASER, and Complex, as well as multiplatinum musicians and some of the biggest authors in the world. He lives in Austin, Texas.

Website ryanholiday.net

IG @ryanholiday 

WECROAK

The WeCroak app is inspired by a Bhutanese folk saying: to be a happy person, one must contemplate death five times daily. Each day, we’ll send you five invitations to stop and think about death. Our invitations come at random times and at any moment, just like death. When they come, you can open the app to reveal a quote about death from a poet, philosopher, or notable thinker. We encourage you to take one moment for contemplation, conscious breathing or meditation. We believe that a regular practice of contemplating mortality helps us accept what we must, let go of things that don’t matter and honor the things that do.
Website wecroak.com

IG @wecroakapp

MARILYN RONDON

Marilyn Rondon, the Universe amongst Universes, projected as a Venezuelan human, is Artist, publisher, and children's book author who became known for posting and sharing a variety of her art on Instagram. She has also been featured in several major ad campaigns and music videos. She began by studying design and architecture. She then attended the School of Visual Arts in Manhattan. She later moved back to Florida where she began painting murals and focusing on her art. She is known for being the publisher of Dat Ass Zine and for curating her own show "I've been planning while you're playing" at Art Basel in Miami. 

IG @sheyatted

Music Attribution

transcript

OPENING SEQUENCE

SOUND: DING

MUSIC: "Musa story out" BY Livio amato

D.S. MOSS_VO

Are you the best version of you you can be? Are you the happiest version of you you can be? 

Ask yourself, this very second - are negative thoughts and feeling keeping you from this? 

What if I were to tell you the only thing keeping you from living your true bliss is you!

In this episode I'm going to give you the secret of how the practice of Memento Mori will help you achieve happiness beyond your wildest dreams. The happiness you can feel with every single breath you take. The happiness, my friends, that you deserve. 

Please join me in season 2 episode 8: Be Happy, or Die Trying

///

S2 OPENING BUMPER

MUSIC:  "MEMENTO MORI" BY MIKEY BALLOU

RUTHIE_VO

From The Jones Story Company, this is: THE ADVENTURES OF MEMENTO MORI, A Cynic's Guide for Learning to Live by Remembering to Die - the podcast that explores mortality. Here's your host D.S. Moss.

CHAPTER 1: DEFINING MEMENTO MORI

SOUND: NYC STREET

RUTHIE_IN

What does the latin phrase Memento Mori mean?

John

Memento Mori? um. I do not know.

Sasha

Ah. I don't know.

Diana

Can you translate for me?

ROSA

the notion of having a reminder of death and that being like a visual thing. Memento Mori would be like a symbolic tchotchke that you would take to remind you that.

SOUND: NYC STREET

///

D.S. MOSS_VO

After a season and a half of doing this podcast it's been brought to my attention that I've never actually talked about the meaning behind the show's title. And contextually for this episode, it's important piece of information to know.

So, here we go...

MUSIC: "Lava spout" by blue wave theory

D.S. MOSS_VO

Memento Mori is a latin phrase that translates to "remember that you will die."

The philosophical meaning is that through the contemplation of mortality one can better appreciate life. This idea can be traced back to the earliest sages in both Western and Eastern schools of thought.

The phrase was trademarked- so to speak-  by the Roman Stoics around 200 BC and it's during this time that the formal practice of Memento Mori began.

As legend has it, after a victorious battle, the winning General would be celebrated with a victory parade through the streets of Rome.

As a cautionary measure, to keep the Roman General humble and to prevent him from getting delusions of grandeur, a slave would ride shotgun in the chariot and whisper...

SOUND: THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE A WHISPER ON ONE SIDE

RUTHIE_VO

"Memento Mori" "Memento Mori" "Memento Mori" Remember you are mortal and that one day you too will die.

D.S. MOSS_VO

Throughout history, the motivation and type of Memento Mori practice has differed from culture to culture.

For medieval Christians, it was a fear-based death reminder to prevent the flock from sinning. 

The Tibetan Buddhist memento mori practice, on the other hand, would be to sit in charnel grounds and meditate over decomposing bodies in order to reach enlightenment.

Then during the Black Plague - when over half of Europe was dying - came the tchotchke; the physical symbols of Memento Mori. Things such as the vanitas paintings, human skulls, pinky rings, tattoos, podcasts, apps...

and coins.

Sfx: Coin Flip.wav

///

CHAPTER 2: MODERN MEMENTO MORI

(GUESTS & THEIR MEMENTO MORIS)

RYAN HOLIDAY

just the act of touching it in my pocket, it has been somewhat grounding for me.

D.S. MOSS_VO

Ryan Holiday, modern day stoic and bestselling author of The Obstacle Is the Way; Ego Is the Enemy; and The Daily Stoic.

RYAN HOLIDAY

Having this sort of physical totem and reminders are really important...

D.S. MOSS_VO

Ryan is referring to a Memento Mori coin he had minted. On one side there is a skull centered between an hour glass and a flower. On the other side - the beginning of a Marcus Aurelius quote, "You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think" 

RYAN HOLIDAY

Let's say I have a conversation with my wife and it's an argument... I think often, touching the coin is like, life is way too short [00:11:30] and way too unpredictable to let this thing hang in the air...

...Do I really care about this thing? Does it really matter? Is this what I want to be spending my time on?

///

MUSIC: "Lava spout" by blue wave theory
D.S. MOSS_VO

Ryan's Memento Mori is a coin. Mine is a podcast - hence the title of the show. We are not, however, the only two that are putting a modern twist on the ancient life affirming meditation. 

MARILYN

I am a Universe amongst Universes, projected as a Venezuelan human.

D.S. MOSS_IN

Whose name is?

MARILYN RONDON

Marilyn.

D.S. MOSS_VO

And Marilyn's Memento Mori comes in the form of a tattoo.

MARILYN

On my cheekbones.

D.S. MOSS_IN

On your cheekbones.

MARILYN

So, I'm a very impulsive person. I have 14 tattoos on my face at this point in my life right now.

D.S. MOSS_VO

Marilyn picked under her eyes as the location because she wants to see the words "memento mori" every time she looks in the mirror. And she wants to instigate people to ask her about them. 

D.S. MOSS_IN

And then you say, "It's remember that you're gonna die." And they're like-

MARILYN

"Why do you wanna remember that?"

D.S. MOSS_IN

Yeah, what do you say to that?

MARILYN RONDON

I always say 'cause I'm mental and I need to remind myself that I'm not that important...

...it's like a reminder to be humble in a way, be thankful for everything that exists constantly... 

///

MUSIC: "Lava spout" by blue wave theory

D.S. MOSS_VO

Another modern incarnation of the physical Memento Mori is an app called WeCroak. As in We Croak.  

HANSA

...it's inspired by a Bhutanese maxim that to be a happy person you have to think about death five times per day...

Hi, I am Hansa Bergwell, and I'm one of the creators of WeCroak

D.S. MOSS_VO

The app reminds its users that they are going to die with five death related quotes at randomized times throughout the day. 

HANSA

...what I liked about the Bhutanese constructs, just think about it five times a day, was that it was really simple, and programmable, and something that I could imagine doing even in New York City with my modern life.

D.S. MOSS_VO

The app was created to penetrate the non-stop demand for our attention. What I really love about it is that it's intentionally simple and unlike every other app, it doesn't try to keep you in the head-down loop. It only wants your attention just long enough to read the death related quotes. 

HANSA

[00:04:50]... what i've found, and what a lot of the people who've used it have told us is that the randomness really is key, because yeah, sometimes [00:05:00] a notification will come in, and you're just like, "okay. yeah." and you dismiss it right away, and that's fine, but there are other times where the ghost in the machine, i like to say, likes to have fun with you...

D.S. MOSS_VO

Have fun with you in ways like catching you in an argument with your partner, compulsively swiping in a dating app, having a political twitter spat with a trolling Russian bot or just generally taking the wrong things in life too seriously.  

///

CHAPTER 3: MEMENTO MORI & HAPPINESS PROOF

(VERB: TO ENTRANCE)

MUSIC: TIBETAN STYLE ENTRANCING MUSIC

D.S. MOSS_VO

Before my conversation with Hansa, I must admit, I didn't know about the Bhutanese maxim. I actually couldn't even place Bhutan on a map. But it sounded like my kind of place...

SFX: SOUND OF AIRPLANE TAKING OFF WITH BHUTANESE CULTURAL MUSIC (MORE LIKE IDIANA JONES)

D.S. MOSS_VO

And so, visiting the country whose people meditate on death five times a day sounded like the perfect adventure... 

(ABRUPT STOPPING OF SFX)

D.S. MOSS_VO

Of course, we haven't sold enough Mori Merch to make actually going to Bhutan possible, so I went to the Google instead.

RUTHIE_VO

Nestled deep in the eastern Himalayans, bordered by India, Tibet and Bengal is the small country of Bhutan. With a population of just under a million people, Bhutan has the distinction of being known as having the happiest citizens in the world.

D.S. MOSS_VO

And, sure enough, just like the WeCroak app, the Bhutanese ritually remind themselves of death five times a day.

As a culture, they don't hide from death. In fact, they even embrace the fear and sadness that comes with it. And yet, there they are - the happiest people in the world.  

/// 

(FADE OUT ENTRANCING MUSIC)

D.S. MOSS_VO

Naturally, that got me thinking...

CHAPTER 4: INTRODUCE AMERICAN CONFLICT

D.S. MOSS_VO

If Bhutan is at the top, where does America rank on the happiness scale?

RUTHIE_VO

According to the World Health Organization the United States ranks third...

most depressed country in the world with over a 100 million Americans likely to suffer from an anxiety disorder in their lifetime.

**China is the most depressed country while India comes in a close second. 

MUSIC: "Musa story out" by Livio amato

D.S. MOSS_VO

Third most depressed country? But we invented Disneyland. And the cinematic happy ending, and the happy meal, and happy hour.

Hell, even the Declaration of Independence promises us "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness" for chrissakes.

How is it possible that the country who's responsible for over 90% of the global market of self-help books and 100% of instagram platitudes be... so... unhappy?

It certainly can't be because American cultural represses death?

Or, can it? 

An exploration into modern American happiness -- after this.

CALL TO ACTION 1

MUSIC: EMERGENCY EXIT BY DR. FRANKENSTEIN 

RUTHIE_VO

Hello fellow provocateurs that believe death is a topic worth talking about. We need your help spreading the word. Be the slightly odd yet endlessly fascinating conversationalist at your next party and tell your friends about The Adventures of Memento Mori.

Have show ideas? Contact us on our site remembertodie.com

Be sure to stay up to date with the quest for enlightenment on Instagram and Twitter by following @remembertodie.

And now, back to show...

CHAPTER 5: EXPLORE THE DEFINITION OF AMERICAN HAPPINESS

MUSIC: "Dirty Old FroGG" BY Lobo loco

D.S. MOSS_VO

In the previous episode I made the decision to put my dog down. Although therapist Jennifer Breslow makes it clear that the blues are normal and should be felt, I was getting the exact opposite message from the cultural zeitgeist.  

Books, blogs, instagram and even my herbalist seemed to be obsessed with promoting conspicuous displays of happiness and that feeling any other way was against the natural order.   

OLIVER BURKEMAN

[00:47:25 Oliver Burkeman.wav] I think there's a chance of living your life that is meaningful, an awful lot of the time. But I think that then you have to really think about what that means, and I don't think it means feeling sort of overjoyed or excited all the time.

D.S. MOSS_VO

Oliver Burkeman, author of The Antedote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking. 

In his book Oliver addresses this modern cult of positive thinking and explores how embracing failure, pessimism, uncertainty, insecurity and death can actually be healthy for us.

OLIVER BURKEMAN

...I think what is special, and unique, and, in many [00:02:30] ways, bad, about the modern, and the very American approach to happiness, it's ...

...it's the idea that what you're looking for is a kind of constant high, a state of excitement. As opposed to all sorts of other ways that you could define happiness.

D.S. MOSS_VO

The Stoics define happiness as "living in agreement with nature." 

Buddhists define happiness as "The fullness of being engaged in the moment."

And dictionary.com defines it as  "being delighted over a particular thing."

But since the Bhutanese are supposedly the happiest, I'm curious to know how happiness is defined in my favorite magical Himalayan kingdom...

RUTHIE_VO

The country of Bhutan no longer measures their Gross Domestic Product. Instead, they've replaced it with GNH, or - Gross National Happiness. 

According to the Bhutanese government, there are four pillars of measuring the GNH:

  -good governance

  -sustainable socioeconomic development

  -preservation and promotion of culture, and

  -environmental conservation

Nearly every citizen is a Buddhist and believes in reincarnation.

The majority of its population live in rural multi-generational households where knowledge and wisdom, health, spirituality, and harmony with the environment are valued more than career achievements.

Media is regulated by the government and promotes Bhutanese culture and emphasizes community over consumption.

D.S. MOSS_VO

Well, well Bhutan. Seems there's a bit more to your happiness than just meditating on death five times a day.  

Meanwhile, back in America...

SFX: NYC STREET NOISE

D.S. MOSS_IN

[Mono-24.wav] Okay, so the hardest question, and the first question, is going to be what is happiness?

Jordan J. Adams

[Mono-24.wav 00:00:30] For me, personally, I would say self fulfillment. That is, what did you set out to do? Like, what was that, and just getting to that.

D.S. MOSS_IN

[Mono-24.wav 00:02:25]What's your approach to happiness?

JORDAN J. ADAMS

[Mono-24.wav 00:02:33]Well, I mean, I think it's having some kind of game plan. I think everybody should have goals. And then the next step, I think, is have a game plan for how to accomplish them.

D.S. MOSS_IN

[Mono-24.wav 00:02:50] And that leads to happiness.

JORDAN J. ADAMS

[Mono-24.wav 00:02:52] I think so, because I think if you're working towards something that you're excited about, I think that, and as you see [00:03:00] progress I think that makes you happy. You're like, "Oh, I'm feeling that I'm getting towards something that I want." Yeah.

Danshelle

[Mono-28.wav 00:00:33] I'm not very hard to make happy, actually. Food is a main source... And fashion, movies, all those things contain things that make me happy. 

D.S. MOSS_IN

Then what's your approach to happiness?

JULIA

[Mono-29.wav 00:01:20] I don't know. Honestly, I feel like right now I'm not in the happiest of places. [00:01:30] I just moved here a month ago and I don't have a job so I'm looking for a job. So that's not going well. So I think that this is ironic, that you were like, this is about happiness and I was just like, "Oh."

SFX: NYC STREEt noise

///

CHAPTER 6: AMERICAN HAPPY THEMES

D.S. MOSS_VO

By no means is interviewing random people in a New York City park a scientific study of America's definition of happiness, but out of the seven people I talked with - there are dominant themes mirror what Oliver references in his book.

MUSIC: "always musa" by livio Amato

(1. ELEVATED STATE)

The first theme, is that happiness is seen as a continuous elevated state of excitement.

(2. AIMING FOR IT)

OLIVER BURKEMAN

And then the other part of it is this idea that it's completely within our individual power to go about getting it by aiming for it, and putting in some effort, ... that we're sort of individually omnipotent in terms of our ability to create happiness in our own lives.

D.S. MOSS_VO

As a recovering pathological goal-setter I can relate to the attachment of happiness as an award of achievement.

(materialism)

D.S. MOSS_VO

The third theme that surfaced is the idea that happiness comes from the material world. This is no surprise and nothing new, but Oliver sees it as becoming more extreme. 

OLIVER BURKEMAN

[00:14:40 Oliver Burkeman.wav]...I feel like that kind of materialist idea has gone sort of off the charts, in terms of what people feel might be possible, that the wealth of the people that they look up to and want to emulate, you've got this whole aspect of, [00:15:00] yeah, fame for fame's sake as a path to happiness.

D.S. MOSS_VO

The last theme that surfaced is that non-happy feelings are shameful - that it's somehow a malfunction on your part if you're feeling them. Such as being scared after just having moved to New York or sad after your dog died. 

///

Interestingly, you'll never guess what else these four qualities of American happiness have in common? That - in reality - they're also the cause of much the unhappiness. 

D.S. MOSS_VO

For example, having goals are great. But as Oliver discusses in his book - you add an unnecessary layer of suffering to your life when you attach happiness to a future state of fulfillment.

This isn't, however, saying ambition is necessarily an unhealthy thing.

OLIVER BURKEMAN

[00:38:00 Oliver Burkeman.wav] Quite the contrary. But there is a way of thinking about ambition that can [00:38:30] only lead to lack of fulfillment, that even if you do achieve some of your sort of intermediate goals on the route to it, you'll have, like, two seconds of satisfaction before you realize that you haven't got to the next one yet.

D.S. MOSS_VO

And I think we all know by watching Brewster's Millions and every episode of VH1's Where Are They Now that material success doesn't lead to happiness. 

OLIVER BURKEMAN

And the big lesson from Eastern philosophies, and ultimately I think lots of Western ones, like Stoicism, is that your happiness has got to come from something other than the outward conditions of your life.

D.S. MOSS_VO

Finally, it turns out that when you try to manifest happiness through thinking more positive thoughts while eradicating the negative ones the opposite effect happens. 

Philosopher Alan Watts calls this the backwards law. 

SOUND: AlanWatts.aiff

OLIVER BURKEMAN

If you really, really tell yourself that something is an unacceptable thing to [00:23:30] feel, then, A, you're going to be on the lookout for it, and, B, you're going to much more thrown and distressed when it does arise, which it will, because that's life.

D.S. MOSS_VO

True. That is life.

Now, every American may not identify with this definition and approach to happiness, but happiness is certainly contextual to one's culture. What happiness means in Namibia is different than Bhutan which is different than America.  

And because of that, I wanted to discover what was culturally driving the Happiness Fetish in America.   

MUSIC: "sugar doesn't replace you, at all" by livio amato

CHAPTER 7: HAPPINESS INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX

D.S. MOSS_VO

The journey took me into the dark fog behind the country's counterfeit smile. What I learned, I can't unlearn. The Orwellian plot devised by a shadow syndicate all vying to control our happiness. 

I uncovered The Happiness Industrial Complex.

D.S. MOSS_VO

The syndicate - Advertising

CLIP: DOWNY.AIFF

D.S. MOSS_VO

In the 1950s advertisers effectively changed American culture by attaching the idea of happiness to buying things. 

But they soon discovered a problem in this relationship; that if consumers were happy there's a limit to what they would consume.

So the clever mad men created the idea of almost happy. The strategy dangled the happiness carrot just out of our reach. We could see it and we could taste it and all we needed to do to obtain happiness in its glorious entirety was just one more purchase

- And here we are today over 60 years later still running on the hedonic treadmill chasing happiness and still just one more purchase away.

///

(HIC - BIG PHARMA)

MUSIC: "Gone " by livio amato

D.S. MOSS_VO

Big Pharma

RUTHIE_VO

Got a bad case of the not too happies? There's obviously something horribly wrong with you, but not worry we can fix it, just take this pill -everyday for the rest of your life.

D.S. MOSS_VO

If you're upset because we didn't crack the top 100 happy country list rest assured we're still winners. America is by far the undisputed champion of the most medicated country. In fact, we're so prescribed, in 2016 Americans spent almost 500 billion dollars on pharmaceuticals which is over half of the global market. And with that market share, Big Pharma is going to make sure that anything less than giddy is diagnosed and medicated.

///

(HIC - SELF HELP)

MUSIC: "Revelations" by livio amato

D.S. MOSS_VO

Self Help

OLIVER BURKEMAN

You can see philosophy back to Ancient Greece as self-help, in some respects, so, the self-help industry has also maybe, in some sense, always been there.

D.S. MOSS_VO

The quest for "individual betterment" has been around a long time. In fact, this podcast is exactly that.

However, the self-help industry is still a multi-billion dollar industry with books, seminars, motivational speakers, coaches, diets, and mindfulness apps that target vulnerable people seeking quick fixes for life's perceived problems.

It is as dastardly as advertising and Big Pharma? No. Can it be helpful? Absolutely. But make no mistake about it, the self help industry thrives on promoting the idea that in some way you are inadequate and that only they have the key to fix it.   

///

(HIC WELL-BEING)

D.S. MOSS_VO

And then there's the newest and perhaps most diabolical member of the Happiness Industrial Complex: Well-Being.

MUSIC: "Talking, knowing" by livio amato

D.S. MOSS_VO

Well-Being, as in living a healthy life, is obviously a virtuous pursuit. But contrary to the name, the Well-Being industry is not about acupuncture and sunchoke butter.

- this industry is one where the emotional state of happiness has been quantified, objectified and co-opted for the purpose of maximizing profits.

PERSON 1

Did you know...that cool new facial recognition feature on my phone - not only makes unlocking it unnoticeably easier, it also scans my face to determine my level of happiness in order to know what content to promote?

PERSON 2

Bhutan drop. TBD

PERSON 3

Did you know...a happy worker is a 12% more productive worker and that many companies now consider a person's happiness in their hiring and promotion process?

D.S. MOSS_VO

Wanting to hire happy people isn't the real issue. It's that neuroscientists sponsored by brands and governments have determined that happiness - mine, yours, and Pete's in Shabogun - can be measured and compared as though it were an absolute, like body temperature or weight. Welcome to the future. 

///

CHAPTER 8: THE STOICS - BEGINNING OF THE ANSWER 

RYAN HOLIDAY

The idea of ... it's like we should make the distinction between lower case stoic and upper case Stoic.

D.S. MOSS_VO

Back with Ryan Holiday, author and modern day upper case Stoic. 

RYAN HOLIDAY

Lower case stoic means, has no emotions.

D.S. MOSS_VO

Upper case Stoic, is a comprehensive philosophical school that uses rational thought to explore what it means to live well.

RYAN HOLIDAY

People ask, "so how do I live?" Stoicism is a great answer to that question, it's a framework. People call it an operating system.

D.S. MOSS_IN

Why do you think the resurgence ... and I know stoicism always bubbles up every few hundred years during significant times. Why do you think stoicism is making such a resurgence right now?

RYAN HOLIDAY

I think part of it is that [00:16:00] it tends to have extra value and utility in times of turmoil and difficulty and chaos, which although we live in a time of great prosperity, we also have this ... It's almost like we can see over the edge and we can see that the new world order isn't quite as stable and can't be taken for granted the way we'd like to.

MUSIC: "Work Wonders" by lobo loco

D.S. MOSS_VO

It seems like everything that I learn on my mortality quest the Stoics and Buddhists already have it summarized in a lovely written sentence.

In this case, "As well search for an eagle's nest on the bed of the ocean, as search for happiness in the world outside of you."

Although I am currently getting scuba qual'd, I'm going to take their word for it and will be applying the Stoic framework to my definition of happiness. Which now is "living in agreement with nature, fully engaged without attachment."

It's not something I look for, take herbs for, and certainly can't be measured by the facial recognition feature on my phone.

CALL TO ACTION 2

MUSIC: "O CEREBRO DO MORTO" BY DR. FRANKENSTEIN 

RUTHIE_VO

Do you consider yourself a fan of podcasts? Show it by donating to the Adventures of Memento Mori. Donate 10 dollars or more and we'll mail you a surprise Memento Mori keepsake. $100 or more will give you a post credit shout out to let the world know how much you mean to us. Go to remembertodie.com slash donate. That's remembertodie.com slash donate.

CHAPTER 9: STAYING IN THE MOMENT

MUSIC: "Pretend" by Malyssa Bellarosa

D.S. MOSS_IN

So, Oliver, how possibly could thinking about your death ultimately make [00:29:00] you happy?

OLIVER BURKEMAN

I love the way you ask that, like the idea, the notion has never occurred to you before.

D.S. MOSS_VO

Keeping in mind I'm now defining happiness as..""living in agreement with nature, fully engaged without attachment." 

OLIVER BURKEMAN

Firstly, I just think that it's a fact that you're going to die, and therefore, reminding [00:29:30] yourself of this fact is not best thought of as kind of inserting some weird, new, scary element into your daily life, but getting rid of some kind of illusion that was operational until you reminded yourself that you're going to die.

D.S. MOSS_VO

Improved this line. Forget what I said. Something about side effect and shedding narrative.

OLIVER BURKEMAN

I don't have a problem with people wearing a skull around their neck, or thinking a lot about those kind of symbols of death, skeletons, coffins, and all the rest of it, but I think the really important thing is not death, but finitude, right? It's the fact that we have a [00:31:00] limited number of days.

D.S. MOSS_IN

So, we get that there's the finitude, and, I think, because we tend to get into ... We like sayings, and carpe diem is [00:33:00] one of those sayings, we like to seize the day, but what is the separation between understanding finitude, and then anxiety from the idea that, holy shit, there's finitude?

OLIVER BURKEMAN

Right, right, right.

...I think if you really take on board the truth of finitude, and the truth of limitation, ultimately, that is an antidote to anxiety.

///

CHAPTER 10: FLIPPING THE ASSUMPTION OVER

D.S. MOSS_VO

For Marilyn, our universe among universes, it actually is about death. 

MARILYN RONDON

Death is always there and death is always an option. If shit really hits the fan and gets really bad, I can always kill myself...and I know that's a really dark thing to say, but it's like knowing that you can pull the plug whenever you're [00:10:00] ready, kind of is like, "Okay, it's really not that bad. I can keep going." You know?

D.S. MOSS_IN

And so Memento Mori to you is that lever, is that tool, so if you're in a really dark place-

MARILYN RONDON

It kind of just pulls me back. It's the mindfulness practice.

D.S. MOSS_IN

I would imagine, knee jerk from people that hear ... like if someone is in a depressive state, to then [00:48:30] meditate on a momento mori. They're like, now it's like playing with fire.

MARILYN RONDON

But it's not. That's the thing... It is okay to be sad. It's so normal. Stigmatizing it is [00:50:30] like the bigger problem.

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CHAPTER 11: CONSENSUS

MUSIC: "Lava spout" by blue wave theory

D.S. MOSS_IN

Do you really honestly think that remembering, acknowledging your mortality can actually make you happier?

HANSA

I know it's true now. Yeah. [00:06:30] And I'll tell you how, is it just pulls you back and gives you that bigger perspective, and maybe it only lasts a minute, but that's enough to just turn your day a tiny bit..., and I have so many examples, both from users e-mailing me to say thank you, as well as my own life.

RYAN HOLIDAY

The [00:14:00] irony for me is that it's not morbid at all...

...On the contrary, I think it has this effect of making you appreciate the fact that you're alive, right this second.

MARILYN RONDON

...And happiness is fleeting, just like sadness. But that's kind of like the beauty of life. [00:48:00] It's like that's the rainbow. Like some people like the color red, but they don't like the color orange. But you got to be on the color orange, too. You got to take the blues and you got to take the purples.

CHAPTER 12: THE UNABASHED ANSWER

D.S. MOSS_VO

In essence, having a Memento Mori practice is an exercise in negative capability. It's not about giving up positive thinking. It's about feeling all the colors in the rainbow. It's learning to stay with a negative thought, it's learning to feel a negative emotion without trying to stamp it out, or change your circumstances, so that it goes away.

It's about "living in agreement with nature, fully engaged without attachment."

OUTRO

MUSIC: "musa story out" by Livio Amato

D.S. MOSS

Thanks for joining me on another episode of The Adventures of Memento Mori....

Thanks to stoic tutor Ryan Holiday, if you want your own Memento Mori coin you can get it and many other tchotskis at dailystoic.com. You can also find his many books where ever books are sold.

And while you're there grab a copy of Oliver Burkeman's book Antedote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking. Thank you sir.

Thanks to Marilyn, the Universe amongst Universes. Check out her roll on twitter and instagram @sheyatted that is s h e y a tt ed sheyatted

And last but certainly not least Hansa Bergwell from W-E-C-R-O-A-K WeCroak, download it on your app store right now. It's the best 99 cents you'll spend. 

I am D.S. Moss. Back again next week for more...The Adventures of Memento Mori.

CLOSING BUMPER

MUSIC: END WITH OUR THEME MUSIC

FEMALE ANNOUNCER

The episode was produced by Josh Heilbronner, D.S. Moss and Hannah Beal. Theme music composed by Mikey Ballou. This has been a production of The Jones Story Company. Until the next time... remember to die.