MAKING THE CALL

This episode is about Texas, a boy and his dog and the unthinkable and inevitable decision that comes to almost all pet owners. D.S. Moss confronts “How do you know when it’s time to make the decision to say goodbye?”  to a four-legged family member. If you're a person with a pet, know a person with a pet, or just like a sad ‘ol country song - this episode confronts the toughest conversation yet and provides insights for those that must eventually face that same decision.   

DIVYA ANANTHARAMAN

Divya Anantharaman New York City's premier taxidermist. An award-winning licensed professional preserving animals with honor and compassion, she took second place in the Professional division at the 2017 World Taxidermy Championships, and is the co-author of the book "Stuffed Animals: A Modern Guide to Taxidermy." Her specialties are birds, small mammals, and anatomic anomalies. She works part-time as a restoration assistant at the esteemed studio of Wildlife Preservations where her love of historic taxidermy grows through helping preserve these treasures and is a board member of the New England Association of Taxidermists. Her clients include museums, art galleries, and private collectors, though she really enjoys demystifying taxidermy for newbies through workshops and lectures. In her commitment to conservation, she regularly works with various organizations like the Audubon Society and volunteers as a rescuer/rehabber. All animal parts are legally and sustainably obtained.

Website gothamtaxidermy.com

IG @gotham_taxidermy  

INSTAVET

InstaVet is made up of a small team with a big vision to revolutionize pet care through the power of technology.

Their vet partners are leading the way by providing the highest level of care in the comfort of home, making the experience more convenient for you and less stressful on your pet.

They offer a full range of veterinary services, including wellness care, vaccinations, diagnostics, pet travel certificates, and holistic/acupuncture care to help your pet stay healthy and active..

Website instavet.com

IG @instavetcare

KATE HOOVER

Kate Hoover sews burial shrouds for humans and their pets. She founded Vale Shrouds to continue the contemplative sewing practice she began while a chaplain intern with the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care. At NYZCCC, she was asked to plan her own funeral to gain awareness of her own impermanence and fears about death. While researching her options, she learned about green burial, decided to sew a shroud for herself, and accidentally found a calling. She will complete a Masters in Mental Health Counseling and Spiritual Care from Fordham University this spring.

Music Attribution

transcript

OPENING SEQUENCE

SOUND: DING

SFX: Phone rings

Dr. Fisse 

Hello, this is Dr. Fisse.

D.S. MOSS_In

Hi, Dr. Fisse, this is Devin Moss.

DR. FISSE

Hi

D.S. MOSS_IN

Hi, how are you?

DR. FISSE

Okay, are we recording yet or not yet?

D.S. MOSS_IN

Yeah, we are recording.

D.S. MOSS_VO

Dr. Fisse is the Chief Medical Officer for Instavet- a service that offers home veterinary services. 

D.S. MOSS_IN

So, I'm still going through the dilemma of if it's the right time. How do I know when is when?

DR. FISSE

Well, I take in hundreds of these calls from clients going through various issues with their own life, with their pets' life. And I find that when you make this call, you know in the back of your mind that the time is approaching...

MUSIC: "Restless Cowboy (ALT)" by Robert Tilly 8 The wooden ambulance 

...Whether if it's today or tomorrow, or what have you, it's coming very soon.

D.S. MOSS_VO

I was on the phone with Dr. Fisse because I needed a clear answer to "how do I know it's time" to make the the hardest decision of my life.

This episode is about a boy and his dog and the process of making that decision. If you're a person with a pet, know a person with a pet, or just like a good 'ol sad country song then please join me in Season 2 Episode 7 - Making the Call. 

MUSIC:  "MEMENTO MORI" BY MIKEY BALLOU

RUTHIE_VO

From The Jones Story Company, this is: THE ADVENTURES OF MEMENTO MORI, A Cynic's Guide for Learning to Live by Remembering to Die - the podcast that explores mortality. Here's your host D.S. Moss.

CHAPTER 1: YOU SHUT IT OUT

D.S. MOSS_VO

Back to the phone call I had with Instavet's Chief Medical Officer - Dr. Fisse.  

DR. FISSE

So, exactly when, is when you feel it's that time. When we talked about senior quality of life concerns for a pet. When they're not able to get up, and walk around, when they're not able to play, when they're not eating or drinking well, or they're having major issues with voiding. They are urinating all over the place or defecating all.... 

D.S. MOSS_VO

As I sat there listening to Dr. Fisse talk about pet quality of life issues...

MUSIC: "Woke up this morning" by A3

...I began to imagine that it was Carmela Soprano talking to me - pacing back and forth in the kitchen on her cordless phone with Tony behind her sitting at the counter in his robe eating a bowl of cereal or maybe leftover baked ziti.

It's where my mind drifted because - one, Dr. Fisse sounds just like Carmela and I have a strange Carmela mother fantasy...

and two, I needed to resist this being a real conversation for as long as possible.

DR. FISSE

...Those are what we call senior quality of life concerns. And you have to make a decision at some point to say, "This is not the quality of life I want for my pet, this is not okay for my life either at this point because it's massively affecting my quality of life. "People have told me that the problems they're having with their pet are adversely affecting their marriage. These are things that we don't want to have continue.

People have called and told me they haven't been able to go to work for two weeks because [00:02:30] of what's going on with their pets.

CHAPTER 2: DENY IT - ACCEPT IT

MUSIC: "Listen to the old man" by Robert Tilly

D.S. MOSS_VO

Sure, over the past two years I adjusted my routine to manage his quality of life changes. True, I wouldn't leave the house for more than four hours at a time and didn't invite people over as much.

And yes, you had to constantly watch where you stepped but that's a good habit to get into anyway.

The smell? Well, you kinda got used to it. Kinda. 

The diapers, drugs and carrying harness all still made it manageable. As long as he was still eating and happy to go to the park - that's just what needed to be done.   

DR. FISSE

We love our pets, we wanna take care of them well. We wanna feed them and give them affection and give them a good life and a good home. But ultimately, pets are there to enhance our lives. That's what we have them for.

D.S. MOSS_IN

I know, I just feel like I owe him as much palliative care as possible...

But that's what the house has turned into. It's like a hospice.

DR. FISSE

Right. And that can get extremely expensive as well. And like I said, it's basically ... It's entirely how you feel. There are people who end up spending thousands and thousands of dollars on hospice care for pets, and that's fine if that's what you wanna do. But you don't have to do that if you feel that either that's gonna seriously adversely affect you financially, or otherwise.

D.S. MOSS_VO

I hadn't reached the adverse financial state yet, but know plenty of people who have. And they made those decisions based on how they feel.

Based on how I feel, I'd gladly change every shitty diaper I needed to keep him here.  

DR. FISSE

With a person, you don't have any choice. With pets, we have a choice.

MUSIC: MUSIC: "SAD solo"

D.S. MOSS_VO

More accurately, it's "with pets, we have to make a choice." After hearing her say it for the twenty-fifth time it finally cracked through. 

For what could be the first time in my life, my heart had been overruling my brain.

It turns out, the real reason for calling Dr. Fisse was to be taken off the hook. I had actually tried the same thing with my vet vet. I wanted them to make the choice for me. I wanted to be let out of the contract. The contract that nearly every pet owner makes  - that you're going to outlive your pet and must make - the unthinkable and inevitable decision. 

DR. FISSE

And like I said, we're not here to judge your decision, we're here to help you once you've made the decision to carry out things in a humane manner that the pet doesn't suffer, and that they can pass at home peacefully. Their last memory being just falling asleep with you.

D.S. MOSS_IN

Yeah, so I guess let's make the appointment.

CHAPTER 3: ACCEPTANCE

MUSIC: "Number 11 "

D.S. MOSS_VO

We'd been dating about six months when on this particular Saturday she suggested that we to the local Austin pound 'just to play' with the dogs. But as grandpa used to always say, "You don't go back to the hotel room at 3 in the morning 'just to talk' " and "You don't go to a pound on a Saturday 'just to play.' "

It was love at first sight. His name was Ishmael from cell number 11. The guard said he was a lab - doberman mix, but I'd soon discover he was also part monkey, bat, clown, ladies man and philosopher king.

Back then, at ten months old, his body couldn't contain his spastic energy and the guard warned us he was anti-social and impossible to handle, qualities that - although I found incredibly attractive - had gotten him put on doggy death row.

However, we left that day empty handed with Ismael still in his cage. I just didn't have a life conducive to 45lbs of responsibility.

But I couldn't get him off my mind. So the next day I went back. And the day after that. And the day after that. I ended up going back every day that week, until one night - as they were closing up for the Thanksgiving holiday - the guard coldly mentioned in passing that Ishmael in cell number 11 would not be there when they reopened.

MUSIC: "White Freight Line" By Half Grassed  

Ishmael was no longer.

The first order of business after I broke him out was to drop that dumbass name.

Come on Cleetus, get in the truck.

And for the next 15 years, Cleetus Lamont Moss has been by my side riding shotgun.

D.S. MOSS_VO

I had made the decision to say goodbye. The call with Dr. Fisse was on a Monday. The upcoming Friday at 4:30p was the house call.   

Three and a half days left. And did everything in my power to make every second count. Carpe motha fuckin Cleetus. 

CALL TO ACTION 1

MUSIC: EMERGENCY EXIT BY DR. FRANKENSTEIN 

RUTHIE_VO

Hello fellow provocateurs that believe death is a topic worth talking about. We need your help spreading the word. Be the slightly odd yet endlessly fascinating conversationalist at your next party and tell your friends about The Adventures of Memento Mori.

Have show ideas? Contact us on our site remembertodie.com

Be sure to stay up to date with the quest for enlightenment on Instagram and Twitter by following @remembertodie.

And now, back to show...

CHAPTER 4: THE PLAN

D.S. MOSS_VO

There's two things you should know about me - I'm a romantic and I like control. Typically, these qualities are source of most of my problems but for my last days with Cleetus they actually kept my head above water.  

Being able to curate his last fews days and disposition kept me present and...occupied. 

MUSIC: "Moonlight" by Half grassed

The plan was...His last moment was going to happen at home, on his leather chesterfield by candle light with me next to him. 

His disposition was going to be a caper. He would be wrapped in an Infinity Burial suit by CO E O and buried in his favorite place which also happens to be New York city property - making it a felony offense if we were to get caught.

The "we" being my favorite unnamed accomplices I would enlist to help.   

CHAPTER 5: DISPOSITION INTRO

D.S. MOSS_IN

Once he is euthanized, what's the time that he can ... I don't know how to day this, but [crosstalk 00:09:23] that he can sit there?

DR. FISSE

Generally, we recommend that you position them as quickly as possible because rigor mortis can start to fit in relatively quickly depending upon the pet. And then you have to keep them stored in a cold [00:10:00] place until you're ready to actually bury them.

And being that it is winter, it is a little bit easier to do that in the summer time.

D.S. MOSS_VO

Instavet provides disposition services along with the home visit, such as cremation, but I still was intent on doing it my way.  

Unfortunately, you need to order Infinity Burial suits for pets at least a month in advance. And a month prior I was still in denial. 

But there were other options...

CHAPTER 6: SHROUDS

Kate Hoover

My name's Kate and I sew burial shrouds for humans and pets. 

At it's most basic, it's a piece of fabric that you wrap around a body in preparation for cremation or burial.

D.S. MOSS_VO

In lieu of the Infinity suit, I opted for a shroud. 

D.S. MOSS_IN

So what's the purpose of a shroud? Is it purely aesthetic, like a ceremonial aesthetic?

KATE HOOVER

It's interesting. I think it's kind of whatever you need it to be in a way.

KATE HOOVER

But I do think that it's evocative in certain ways. We are swaddled at birth, and to be swaddled at death again, there's like a certain symmetry there. I think, just the gesture of wrapping a body in a piece fabric too has a certain ... I guess it's like an opportunity to have one last gesture with someone you've cared about.

Relationships form over time, like I make a gesture towards you, you accept. You make a gesture towards me, I accept. That just keeps going back and forth and deepens the relationship. At some point when someone dies, to be able to shroud them, is to be able to have another chance to make a gesture towards them.

D.S. MOSS_VO

At this point, I had to check myself. Was I losing it? I've seen pet owners go crazy before in their grief and was I one now too? Is Cleetus worth getting a shroud made and risking a felony? 

KATE HOOVER

... It's interesting because I know sometimes there's resistance to the idea that pets should be buried or given burial rights. But I think [00:12:00] in some ways pets are really special...

...It's chosen, it develops over time, and it's a real relationship. And I think it makes sense to recognize that that's been lost.

D.S. MOSS_VO

Ok. Yeah, he's totally worth it.  

D.S. MOSS_IN

Okay, so say that the plans burial is in three days, is that too quick of a lead time for you?

KATE HOOVER

It's tough. It can be done, but it's tough...

...I don't want to make a promise that I can deliver this in time, if I can't.

D.S. MOSS_VO

Because of the time pressure I decided against the shroud...

D.S. MOSS_VO

And to make matters worse, a cold front had moved in making the ground too hard for a covert digging operation. 

D.S. MOSS_VO

My plan was falling apart. 

So I checked out another option. 

CHAPTER 7: TAXIDERMY

DIVYA

My name is Divya and I'm a taxidermist.

D.S. MOSS_VO

Divya is a friend of the podcast and owner of Gotham Taxidermy. We met at her studio on short notice to discuss the possibility of getting Cleetus taxidermied.   

D.S. MOSS_IN

Is that even the right word, taxidermied?

DIVYA

Yeah, or mounted.

D.S. MOSS_IN

Mounted.

DIVYA

When I'm working with pet clients, though, I say preserved because you're preserving that memory.

MUSIC: "Rio Bravo" by Lobo loco

D.S. MOSS_VO

Her studio was warmly lit and well-organized. It had all of the tools and thingies that you'd imagine in a workspace of a detailed craftsman. There were also the animals, mostly birds and rodents - frozen in fantastical postures. Except for one - Mr. Whiskers, who looked exactly like a house cat sleeping on her desk. It looked so real and alive that I found myself trying to catch it breathing.

D.S. MOSS_IN

So I'm here to find out information about getting him preserved. I'm a little ... not a little, I'm a lot cautious of that.

D.S. MOSS_VO

I began by asking her what someone should consider when making a taxidermy decision?

DIVYA

I would say really think about what you want...

...As someone who's living it is to preserve animals, I'm probably the least convincing. I'll be the last person to convince you to mount your pet if it's not something you really want.

D.S. MOSS_VO

Divya told me that are two key things to be thinking through. The first is to try as best I can to understand where I am emotionally in the grieving process. 

D.S. MOSS_VO

Her second piece of advice was to know precisely how I would want the memory of him preserved. 

Do I want remember him sleeping like Mr. Whiskers? Or, in some other way

...Divya says the more specific you can be and the more she can get to know the personalities of you and your pet the better. 

DIVYA

They're preserving the memory of that animal, like the life they had, like 20 years or 15 years or however long they live with that animal. And so there's a lot more to it than just like make it look like my dog again or make it look like my cat again.

D.S. MOSS_IN

So how long did that Mr. Whiskers, how long did that take?

DIVYA

It can take ... so with dogs and cats, it takes me a year or even more.

D.S. MOSS_IN

A year? ...A year wow.

D.S. MOSS_VO

She described in detail how everything is custom made, for example how it takes six weeks just to replicate one glass eye. And then there's all the finishing work. All the fine grooming. All those small details like re-sculpting membranes and ligaments...

But even just visualizing Cleetus in the re-animation process was enough for me to quickly decide this wasn't the disposition path for me.

Divya does, however, do other work that offers a bit more closure...

DIVYA

Well, there's like skulls and bones...

...There's also jewelry or preserving the paws or preserving just parts. 

D.S. MOSS_VO

She also does a soft preserved pelt of the skin.

DIVYA

And that's interesting because it doesn't have the shape of the animal but it still is like a part of the animal that they get to keep and cherish and I guess, remember.

MUSIC: "RIO BRAVO" By LOBO LOCo 

D.S. MOSS_VO

I didn't actually totally hate the skull idea, but the weather was warming up and the ground was thawing. Plan A was looking possible after all. 

CHAPTER 8: SPENDING THE LAST MOMENTS

SFX: OCEan

D.S. MOSS_VO

On Friday morning there was nothing left to plan. 

The morning was spent at the beach and the afternoon gorging prime cut pork chops. The minutes felt both long and short and every single second mattered. 

CHAPTER 9: THE PROCEDURE

Tape:  

D.S. MOSS_IN

So, how is the procedure? What happens?

DR. FISSE

The way that this works is, basically we come out and we're gonna give him an intermuscular sedative at the point where we can lift his head up and if it's back down so that it's calm and relaxed. We push an IV catheter and then just a drug called Euthasol, which stops the heart. And I come with an assistant, so you can be present for as long and as much of that as you're comfortable with. But as I said, we want his last memory to be falling asleep with you.

SOUND: EFX INT Various.WAV

Tape: The moment.wav 12:55 - 13:03

MUSIC: "RESTLESS COWBOY (ALT)" by Roberty Till

D.S. MOSS_VO

Dr. Fisse and her assistant showed up at the scheduled time. The candles were lit and the pup was peacefully lying on his leather chesterfield love seat.  

And that's how it ended. Just I imagined and just as she promised - him falling asleep next to me.  

CALL TO ACTION 2

MUSIC: "O CEREBRO DO MORTO" BY DR. FRANKENSTEIN 

RUTHIE_VO

Do you consider yourself a fan of podcasts? Show it by donating to the Adventures of Memento Mori. Donate 10 dollars or more and we'll mail you a surprise Memento Mori keepsake. $100 or more will give you a post credit shout out to let the world know how much you mean to us. Go to remembertodie.com slash donate. That's remembertodie.com slash donate.

CHAPTER 9: THE PAIN

MUSIC: "Glass" BY Countryside ride

D.S. MOSS_IN

Why is it so painful to lose a pet?

JENNIFER BRESLOW

I think they give us something that humans can't offer. You know, that unconditional love, they're always quick to forgive.

...They fill a space in our lives that's large. The connection and bond that you have is one that's really unique, and it's a real emptiness when it's broken.

D.S. MOSS_VO

A couple weeks later I met with Jennifer Breslow, a therapist specializing in pet loss. 

D.S. MOSS_IN

I had Googled specifically for this, and there's not too many of you.

JENNIFER BRESLOW

There aren't. I think it's a shame, I think there are not tons of resources for people going through this type of loss. It's not been kind of as accepted [00:01:00] in our society as a legitimate loss on the same level as losing a person, so it's a little bit harder to find support.

CHAPTER 10:GRIEF

D.S. MOSS_IN

My experience being in it is often gets tethered to the side, that it has to be just like a person. My response is like grief is grief. It doesn't have to be the same thing but it can still be incredibly painful. There was this idea that well, it's not the same thing as losing a parent. Of course it's not, but it doesn't mean that's, for some people, it's any less painful.

JENNIFER BRESLOW

Yeah, absolutely. I mean I think people respond in the way that they do towards any significant loss, whether it's a human or a relationship or job, and that's on a continuum. You're going through the same stages of grief that you would for a human when it's your pet. For a lot [00:02:30] of people, those feelings are far worse than a human loss...

MUSIC: "Glass" by  

D.S. MOSS_VO

For me, it's been rough. But in different ways than I expected. When it hits it's often indirect and random. Along with just missing him there are the unexpected guilt trips, the void in routine, and then there's million and one micro habits that you never realized even existed - always surfacing with a punch to the gut when you least expect it.  

D.S. MOSS_IN

What are some typical coping exercises?

JENNIFER BRESLOW

It just depends on the person, but I usually tell people, if there's some kind of creative outlet that you have or some way to externalize the feelings, whether it's writing, like writing a letter to your pet about what they meant to you.

...If you're into art, creating something. When people are in a state of grief, you feel powerless and helpless and so creating something can be a way to bring back a sense of empowerment and feel like you're taking some action. 

D.S. MOSS_VO

I would second that advice. It's certainly been my savior.

She also says...

JENNIFER BRESLOW

Don't make any rash decisions or big life decisions when you're in a grieving state, I think that's across the board.

D.S. MOSS_IN

Like move to Brazil. 

JENNIFER BRESLOW

Like move to Brazil.

D.S. MOSS_IN

Do you recommend ... I know this is a case by case basis ... for people to then immediately get another pet? That always comes out, it's the first question people always ask...

..."So are you going to get another dog?"

JENNIFER BRESLOW

Yeah, this is really individualized also, but let's say you really want to make sure you have grieved and mourned and honored the pet that you lost before you're inviting a new pet into your life. You want to make sure you have the space to emotionally connect with a new animal that is going to be really different from the one that you lost, and you want to make sure that you're not rushing to get a new pet as a way to not feel the pain or to replace the pet that died.

D.S. MOSS_VO

I ended the conversation by asking Jennifer what one piece of advice she'd give people who may be grieving a loss of a pet.

JENNIFER BRESLOW

I think that's I want most people to know, especially if they're going through this now is that this is normal and that feeling, as bad as you might be feeling, shows that this was a relationship that really mattered, and that you're really lucky to have that bond with an animal.

D.S. MOSS_VO

The pain felt after a loss of a pet is real and significant and shouldn't be discounted. But I think most people would agree that it's a small price to pay for all the years of happiness they provide. 

Now, if you'll excuse me. I have a flight to Brazil to catch.

MUSIC: "WHite Freight Line" by Half Grassed 

CHAPTER 12: OUTRO

D.S. MOSS

Thanks for joining me on another episode of The Adventures of Memento Mori....

A special thanks to Dr. Fisse and Instavet for your compassionate guidance in helping me make the call. If you are in need of the services download the app or go to instavet.com

Thanks to Kate Hoover from Vale Shrouds, Divya from Gotham Taxidermy and Jennifer Breslow for your wisdom, time and kindness. Be sure to check out their work on our site www.remembertodie.com 

And, for those special folks who may or may not have aided and abetted me in a felony. Thanks for being there. 

I am D.S. Moss. Back again next time for more...The Adventures of Memento Mori.

MUSIC: END WITH OUR THEME MUSIC

FEMALE ANNOUNCER

The episode was produced by Josh Heilbronner, D.S. Moss and Hannah Beal. Theme music composed by Mikey Ballou. This has been a production of The Jones Story Company. Until the next time... remember to die.